The Issue of Forgiveness
Some thoughts and ideas on same - Presented by Steve King
The meaning is ‘to let go” – it’s not about the perpetrator deserving forgiveness.
“Forgiveness gives you your future back!”
It’s saying “I’m willing to let go of the pain your words or actions brought to me.”
Are you a “Stubborn Victim or a "Tenacious Survivor?”
Are you a Worrier or a Warrior?
What is the Impact, Toll, Price you pay?
View emotion (i.e. anger) as a commodity – what do you do with that?
Recover (Discover) or repeat. Fight or flight. What we repress- we obsess. Resist/Persist
The body does not thrive in chaos but in harmony, self-esteem, endurance and integrity
A/D can equal Cheap Grace – Dis-Graced!
Embrace the good Grace.
Stop living with the problem, start living with the answer
Depression = Anger you do not feel that you have a right to – hopelessness – dark, blank screen/inability to `see` pictures (future).
Abuse Imprisons, Grief releases, Expression heals
True Self – fidelity to self.
Fear and faith cannot co-exist at the same time – on the cusp of the two = courage (which is not the absence of fear but doing something despite the fear).
Worrying is praying for what you don’t want.
Praying for what you want as opposed to being preyed upon (re worry).
Worry – original meaning - to choke or strangle. Chokes creative power and creates paralysis. Strangles the joy of living. It provides illusionary content.
Faith is living with an invisible means of support.
Sometimes the only thing left to hang on to is letting go.
Major Emotions – Fear, Anger, Grief, Jealousy, Love.
How willing are you to apply your intelligence?
Thoughts = words = actions = habits = character = destiny.
Religion is for people trying to avoid hell – Spirituality is for people who have been there.
If we are seeking spiritual peace, harmony, tranquility and calm, then we need to let go of thoughts, beliefs and feelings that are toxic/poisonous to our spirit.
Karma – Attitude – hard-wired propensities.
Blessed are the flexible for they shall not get bent out of shape.
APATHY – A perfect ass that hinders you.
Those who anger you control you
Happiness is an inside job.
What choices are you making that keep you from being excellent?
The solution to human suffering is caring for others
The act of acceptance allows the individual to transcend the suffering self.
Suffering is inevitable as part of leading an authentic life.
Going down a path approved by society but personally unsatisfying – leads to an inauthentic life and neurotic anxiety – anger, depression, or addiction.
Existential anxiety – knowing death is inevitable – we can choose our attitude and its meaning. (Yalom) the three other “ultimate anxieties” are;
Freedom – awareness that we are authors of our own lives – the “What ifs”
Isolation – awareness that we are fundamentally separate from all others.
Meaninglessness – Knowing all this – why bother getting up each morning
Living in an existential vacuum.
Suffering is a means to meaning.
Love allows the individual to transcend his fearful, self-conscious self.
The suffering self can find transcendence only through caring for others.
Acceptance of being the author of one’s life.
The duty to navigate through life rests with the individual – i.e. choosing one’s attitude is the essential feature of recovery.
In biblical terms, forgiveness is the loving, voluntary cancellation of a debt.
Forgiveness is “a willingness to abandon one’s right to resentment, negative judgement, and indifferent behaviour toward one who unjustly injured us, while fostering the undeserved quality of compassion, generosity, and love toward him or her.”
Forgiveness transforms the person who was wronged from victim to victor through the voluntary act of replacing resentment with compassion.
Can feel like a heavy cloud of 'acid rain'.
Forgiveness can allow shame to shrivel and dry up.
Forgiveness is about letting go of another person’s throat.
To release yourself from something that will eat you alive, that will destroy your joy and your ability to love fully and openly.
There is more power in love and forgiveness than in hate.
Forgiveness does not create relationship.
To stop allowing someone to have any more “free rent” inside you.
Like hiring a poisoner to cook your meals.
The person has not earned the right to take up any more of your time and energy or life force.
There is a major correlation between forgiveness and recovery as one of its more powerful effects is to overcome anger, blaming, and hostility, all of which are known to trigger using.
When I forgive, I refuse to be further damaged by the wrongdoing of others.
If I hang on to resentment, I harbour a thief in my heart.
The poison of bitterness becomes like a parasite that eats you away from the inside
Forgive oneself for not being able to forgive.
Forgive yourself, but don’t be lazy – recovery takes work.
There is inevitable suffering because of a natural tension between the individual’s potentiality and his actuality. (Sartre) Bitterness is what gets in between!
The first step in overcoming suffering is to accept reality.
From tragedy to transcendence.
Drunkenness merely drowns the Self.
Tragic optimism – finding meaning in the worst possible circumstances (Frankl).
Acceptance of reality is the defining characteristic of tragic optimism. + Faith.
Elan vitale – vitality – vibrancy – vivaciousness.
It is feeling that imparts vitality to thought.
Existence without vitality – a meaningless, monotonous and boring life.
The addict substitutes living intensely for living meaningfully. All flash and no substance.
The healthy person affirms even the harshest suffering provided they see a reason for it.
Life is worth living in spite of suffering. “Have a good day, if you choose to”.
Our role in part is to help others discover how to live personally meaningful lives – to fill their “existential vacuum”.
Drug use is a response to living in an “existential vacuum”.
Choice is about deciding to respond (rather than react) to pressure or choosing to let it go and replacing it with something more powerful. Choice puts you back in the driver’s seat.
What choices are you making that keep you from being excellent?
What do you know that you’re not admitting to yourself yet?
What good things do you get from subconsciously needing to revisit the chaos?
A lack of control is not freedom.
Change the past by changing the way we think and talk about it.
Can you choose joy and contentment?
Using your issues as an excuse will make your whole life an excuse.
Change your way of seeing things and you will modify their reality and effect on your existence.
We can contaminate or illuminate!
“Sometimes it is the artist’s task to find out how much music
you can still make with what you have left.” Itszak Perhlman
That is a great metaphor for where we are and where we can be NOW!
“Forgiveness is the fragrance left by the violet on the heel that crushed it.” (Mark Twain)
“Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is healed. This is the ancient and eternal law.”
The best revenge is to lead a healthy life.
“Those who pursue revenge should dig two graves.” Chinese proverb.
Forgive – Give for ourselves the freedom from this condition.
The only way to keep from going backward is to keep going forward. You must
first have the knowledge of your power; second, the courage to dare; and third,
the faith to do.
The Law of Attraction is another name for love. The law of love is the creative force behind every manifestation.
Spirits – dopamine – spiritual – feeling loved and attached. Love releases dopamine!
Whatever we think about and thank about we bring about.
Opportunity follows perception, action follows inspiration, growth follows knowledge, eminence follows progress.
If we wish a change in conditions, all that is necessary is to change our thought. This will in turn change our mental attitude, which will in turn change our personality, which will in turn change the persons, things and conditions – the experiences – with which we meet in life.
The intention governs the attention.
Huna philosophy - The Seven principles;
1) The world is what you think it is.
2) There are no limits.
3) Energy flows where attention goes.
4) Now is the moment of power.
5) To love is to be happy with – love is the only ethic needed in Huna.
6) All power comes from within.
7) Effectiveness is the measure of truth.
The use of Ho’oponopono (The Hawaiian tool for Forgiveness) – Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len
Morrnah Nalamaku Simeona - The Ho'oponopono prayer - “Divine creator, father, mother, son as one… If I, my family, relatives, and ancestors have offended you, your family, relatives, and ancestors in thoughts, words, deeds, and actions from the beginning of our creation to the present, we ask your forgiveness… Let this cleanse, purify, release, cut all the negative memories, blocks, energies, and vibrations, and transmute these unwanted energies to pure light… And it is done.”
Using the Ho'oponopono statements - “I’m sorry” “Please
forgive me” “Thank you” “I love you”..
The book 'Zero Limits' – by Dr. Joe Vitale.
“Amazingly Content” article by William Wittmann 2008.
A return to a clean slate, prior to the introduction of any beliefs or physical limitations, state of neutrality – Divinity – God. State of Grace and Love.
ZPoint Process – Grant Connolly – “I clear all the ways I feel this feeling” then repeat cue word, i.e. “Yes” for 10 secs.
Growth is understanding what we have not yet been able to conceive, feeling what we have never felt, doing what we have never done before. It is daring what we have never dared. …it obliges us to leave our own comfort zone – to progress into the unknown, to face the tremendous impact of our Self. (Pierro Ferrucci - What we may be)
Forgiveness is the taking back of one’s own life, choices and direction.
The immediate pleasure of sweet revenge is only temporary.
A powerful man can lead with no wisdom and a wise man can lead with no power.
We can choose an Attitude of Gratitude and lighten up to be open to the palace of personal possibilities and potentialities
Colin Tipping's – ‘Radical Forgiveness’ concept.
The issue of Restorative Justice/Reconciliation/ Ho’oponopono – to `set right`.
Truth and Reconciliation – Desmond Tutu – Silent retreat – Rwandan leaders.
The mind doesn’t care what you plant in it.
If you had ONE MORE DAY. How would you spend it and with whom –do it now?
The loving kindness meditation. “If anyone has hurt me or harmed me knowingly or unknowingly in thought, word or deed, I forgive them. May all beings be happy, may all beings be peaceful, may all beings be free.”
Statements on Forgiveness
To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover the prisoner was you.
You are richer today if you have laughed, given, or forgiven.
“He who cannot forgive others destroys the bridge over which he himself must pass.” (George Herbert)
“To forgive allows us to release the past and start anew. Without forgiveness it’s always the Hatfields and McCoys.” (Jack Kornfield)
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” (Catherine Ponder)
Forgiveness is an essential part of cleansing negative emotions and removing unproductive attitudes. This includes forgiving others as well as ourselves. Past mistakes should be left in the past. As the forgiver, empower yourself to let go. (Steps to Achieving a Positive Attitude - Adam)
“The weak can never forgive – Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” (Gandhi)
The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present. (Barbara de Angelis)
“The greatest antioxidant for humanity is forgiveness”. (The Enlightened Gardener)
“Those who do not have power over the story that dominates their lives, the power to retell it, rethink it, deconstruct it, joke about it, and change it as times change – truly are powerless, because they cannot think new thoughts”. (Salman Rushdie)
“Mostly, people change not because they see the light but because they feel the heat”. (David Grudermeyer)
“The act of forgiveness is one of humanity’s most deep-seated acts of people nourishing one another as human beings.” (Archbishop of Canterbury – Rowan Williams)
“Neither the forgiver nor the forgiven acquires the power that simply cuts off the past and leaves us alone to face the future. Both have discovered that their past, with all its shadows and injuries, is now what makes it imperative to be reconciled so that they may live more fully from and with each other.” (ibid.)
“When a deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive." - Alan Paton
"If you die and they do an autopsy, and they tried to find the anger and the resentment you've been holding on to, where would they find it? Nowhere. Why? Because it's just energy, it is your thoughts in your mind creating this anger and feelings of resentment. You are creating it yourself."
"If you are having trouble letting go of the anger or the resentment toward another person, it is because holding on to it is serving you in some way."
"Letting go of the past, is giving up the hope that the past could have been different."
"Until you heal the pain from the past, you will continue to bleed."
"Right below the anger is the hurt; and right below the hurt is the love."
"Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself."